Elul Day 2 - ב באלול
Dear Elul Writers,
The soul accounting that we do in the month of Elul can impel us towards difficult conversations. Perhaps there are some hard feelings that we’ve been holding in that need to be spoken. Or there is some gentle feedback that we feel inclined to share. There are certainly times when some admonishment — or tochecha — needs to be given, and this season of return can feel like just the right time.
As if sensing our desire to offer critique, the Gemara offers this poignant reminder: “Just as it is a mitzvah to say that which will be heeded, so is it a mitzvah not to say that which will not be heeded” (Yevamot 65b).
This provocative teaching is brought to life in a Chasidic tale.
It is said that R’ Yisroel of Vishnitz once visited the house of a less observant member of the Jewish community in his town. This man, the manager of a bank, was surprised to see the great sage at his door and invited him in. He seated the rebbe in his living room and waited to hear what had spurred the great teacher’s visit. R’ Yisroel sat silently for some time, and then he rose to leave. The banker, utterly confused by this behavior, asked the rebbe why he had honored him with the visit. The rebbe explained that he had come to fulfill a mitzvah, and, baruch Hashem, he had fulfilled it. “And which mitzvah is that?” asked the bank manager. R’ Yisroel explained that it is a mitzvah to not offer rebuke, if it won’t be heard. The banker was a little taken aback and a little offended. “Rebbe,” he asked, “might you share with me your feedback? Perhaps, I will heed it.” The rebbe explained that there was a widow who was destitute and could no longer pay for her home. The banker’s own bank was seeking to foreclose upon the modest house. “Might you, due to this unfortunate circumstance, forgive her loan?” the rebbe inquired. The banker was defensive, “But you must understand that she took out a loan? And the money belongs to the bank; I am just the manager!” “It is just as I suspected,” the rebbe replied as he quietly turned and left. Sitting by himself, after the visit, the words of the rebbe made their way into the banker’s heart. Immediately, he took it upon himself to pay off the widow’s loan out of his own pocket.
DAY 2 PROMPT
I am drawn to this story for two reasons. The first, is that I am somewhat conflict avoidant and it offers some rabbinic justification for refraining from rebuke. The second, and perhaps more important, is that this mitzvah, as lived out by R’ Yisroel, depends upon our presence. Even if he isn’t able to give the tochecha, he still shows up and sits with the banker. People are not always ready or able to receive our critical feedback. Sometimes refraining from rebuke really is the mitzvah, but, perhaps there is a way, in such instances, to draw near, to allow silence to open up the door to more honest conversation. Is there an area in your life where refraining from conflict might be fulfilling the mitzvah? How can you show up with presence and intention, even as you hold your tongue? On the 2nd day of Elul, we may be raring to go, but let’s remember to put presence and silence in our teshuvah toolbox.
Take care,
Jordan